Ok, my stupid little head isn’t satisfied with fancying every single lad in the world, so what does it decide to do? Have ‘mixed emotions’ for Jemma’s mate Alice. Yes. As in Alice a female. I’m sorry, I have nothing against gayism. But for me? No. Really not. I just don’t suit it. Is it a phase? I hope to God it is, because I just don’t think I could cope, to be honest.

I’ve met Alice a few times, and she is really lovely, and pretty. And we get on really well, and have similar interests (music, caffeine, and avoiding eating), and we come from similar backgrounds (poor, basically), and have had similar life experiences. And you know, it sounds like we’d be really good friends. Which we are, considering we haven’t known each other for that long. But the last time we went out, it was me, her, Jemma and Keith, and then we were talking and stuff, then it just sort of went CLICK. And I kind of thought, my god, this is what I feel when I see Lee, or how I used to feel when I saw Jake (different story for another day). And it sort of dawned on me.

And then, a few days later, I was round at Jemmas, and we were talking about the other day when we’d gone out with Alice and Keith, and she went, ‘Oh, by the way, Alice fancies you.’ I thought she was joking. Jemma knows I’m straight (usually), so she didn’t think anything of it. So then there was like a bunch of tiny explosions inside my head.

I don’t know what to do :/ I mean, it’s more than likely that this is just some wierd teenage hormonal phase, so if I went out with her, then realised that I am straight, it would be really mean on Alice. And God knows I don’t want to hurt her.

And besides, if I did go out with her, what would my friends think? Jemma, Jez and Keith would all be suprised but fine with it, they’re all bi themselves, so there would be no issue there. I don’t know what Lee would think, I know he has no problem with gays, as a lot of his friends are, and his last long term girlfriend was bi. So he wouldn’t be bothered by it, but I don’t what it would do to our relationship :/ And then there’s the schoolies. Oh God, the schoolies. Kay had a bi phase, and for all I know its still going on. So I guess she would be ok with it ( although she is unpredictable, so I honestly don’t know). Louise, Anna and Kelly would all be really wierd with it though, and I know they would. They’d probably say they were fine with it, but I know they would constantly talk about it behind my back. Then someone would overhear, then the whole school would know :/

Ohh, this is so messy. And I’m so extremely overwhelmed by all this, I haven’t even said my good news (: GUESS WHOS GOING TO SEE NOEL FIELDING NEXT MARCH?? oh yessss. 185 days exactly. Not that I’m counting or anything this is with Anna, who I’m also going to London with next month. Shes probably the bestie from school, despite the fact shes the biggest freak in whole of the United Kingdom, and that is no exaggeration. She’s cool though, and she doesnt half make me laugh. Kelly’s pretty awesome too, we weren’t really that close until the end of year10, but now we’re really good friends. Then there’s Louise. She does my head in quite a bit, but we do get on well and have a laugh. But shes so irritating and obssessive. and shes quite a geg. Like right now for example, me, Anna and Kelly are going out tomorrow, and now she wants to come, and I didn’t organise it or anything so I can’t just invite her :/ its gay. But oh well.

Not including this paragraph, I have written 681 words, which in my opinion, is too much, quite frankly. So I’m off now to have an abba rave by myself. Toodle pip lovers xx

Anyway. On with the show. Basically, this is going to be so depressingly sickeningly cliche, because this is basically about a boy. But what can I say? It really needs to be let out. And it’s not like I’m telling the fambo, they’re all so annoying at the moment. Besides, telling the B+S’s would be a mistake and a half, they’re guarenteed to take the piss, and/or hold it against me. The bezzwar (Jemma) knows about it, of course, just not everything, for the simple reason that is if I tell her, she will tell Jerry (her boyfriend), who will tell Keith, who will tell Lee. Pointless much? Yessir. I can’t really be bothered with the schoolies right now, apart from the occasional beauts, but in all honesty we’re not really the type to talk about anything seriously.

So here we are, typing away, possibly the most dangerous thought outlet possible. But oh well, for now I’m just going to tap away, about what ever I want so HA!

So I’m a little bit in love with Lee. And to be quite honest, I even fancied him the first time we met, we’d gone to see The Unborn (its shit, by the way), and he was all over Laura, his girlfriend of the time. Since they broke up we’ve seen each other a few times. When he was first single again, he was so great, he bought chips for just me and him to share (we were with a group), and he gave me his jacket when I was cold, and aaah he was just so nice And then he got a new girlfriend, Rach. We did stay friends though. (yes, I know its gay). Then Jemma told him I liked him, which I could of killed her for :/ but then he knew I liked him.Then we went the park, just us two, and we talked for hours and it was so lovely. Then he told me he was bipolar one night on MSN, and he was really down, and I think I said the right thing (shock horror!) , so now I think hope he trusts me. And he always calls me hun, and I totally know its just in a friendly way because Jemma and Jez and Keith all say it too, but when Lee does it I melt a bit inside. ANDANDAND he offered to get my Boosh DVDs back off Connor (who we hate), which was really sweet, but I ended up letting my brother Paul do it to save things kicking off.

So, I fancy him, he knows, the others all make comments about it. All fine, if not a little embarrassing. Then the others start saying things like, ‘oh, if you want us to make sure he hasn’t got a girlfriend we can make sure of that’. Which is an offer I politely (ha!) refuse. I mean, it was starting to feel a bit primary school-ish. But a few days later, Lee and Rach break up. Hmmm, and everyone, including especially Lee is wanting to tell me. But then I don’t see him for a few days, and hes got a new girlfriend I’ve been warned hes a bit of a manwhore, but I didn’t realise it was going to be this bad. I really like him and I don’t even know why. It’s so depressing. I just don’t know what to do now, because I really like him, but it’s starting to feel like I’m a backup if he splits up with a girlfriend. God, teenagerism is hard work.

Just started year 11 today. That just doesnt sound right. I feel as though I should still be in year 8, when school didn’t matter. But now everythings important, as I’ve been told all day. My social life just seems to be more important though. Is there anything else important enough to write about I wonder? It is exactly 27 days till my Sweet 16. I can’t be bothered doing anything for it, but Jemma and the schoolies are all trying to make me. It’s too much hassle.

Well, I spose this is a good place to end my ramble. Was it good enough for a first blog? I personally found it a bit too oohh-I’m-a-teenage-girl-and-life-is-so-difficult-have-pity-on-me-please-someone, but, oh well. thats the truth of my pathetic life. S’later bloggers. x